We are literally two weeks away from my due date but the reality has set in that our baby will likely be here any-day or sometime next week at the latest. I had a nice little episode of pre-term labor the week of Valentine’s day that earned me a two night stay in the hospital. Things stalled and I was able to go home per my wishes, even though the DR who was on call wanted to keep me there forever! I have had a few friends ask me do I feel sad that this is our last baby? I have heard a lot of other moms who feel guilty or sad that they did not have more kids. My circle of friends and associates consists of people who are almost 30 or over 30, so for most that ship has sailed. When we found out we were having baby number 5 (Then comes baby in the baby carriage…Lots of babies) we both immediately knew THIS IS DEFINITELY IT and the stork is no longer welcome around here!
At one point we thought our third baby was it; but then the topic of one more came up since hubby has always wanted four. We had Kali, life was great but it didn’t really feel complete. For me it was more so if we had another we did if we didn’t, it wouldn’t make me resent my uterus or my husband. Long and behold baby number 5 surprised the crap out of us and popped up. Kali was only a few months old. Despite me being on birth control, nursing, and only having had about 3 actual periods since I gave birth to her. We embraced it after the initial OMG we are about to have 5 F’n kids shock wore off. I had to really wrap my head around FIVE kids. I would always look at other people and think to myself “Damn! that’s a lot of kids, I couldn’t do it”. But, here I am days away from being that person with “a lot” of kids.
The thought of going out in public with the 5 is becoming a reality. It’s not like going out with the 4 has always been a cake walk. It’s always “you have your hands full”, “bless your heart”, “are you done having kids?” etc. The thought of buying 5 of every damn thing, the non-stop increase of our grocery bill, the fact that I had to give up my beloved BMW for a full size SUV; and lastly, this baby is the gender tie breaker since we have two of each already confirms that yes, this is our last baby.
I have had friends say they hope we have just one more to make things even, but some still find the amount of kids that I have to be a little joke and the snide remarks follow behind that (think basketball team etc). Most of the time I consider that to be an act of jealously, that 1. they wanted more but couldn’t or didn’t have more 2. they are just an asshole 3. they wanted a big family but were too worried about what other people would think about it.
Preparing hasn’t been depressing for me like it is for some moms who are on their last baby. I look forward to finally packing up and giving away all of the baby items, never to be seen again as he or she outgrows them. It may sound selfish, but I spent my 20s being pregnant and having babies. This is the last year of my 20s. I gave up that essential part of my youth in exchange for unconditional love, poopy diapers, boogers, formula, breast milk, spit up, blow outs, and watching someone I created blossom internally and externally.
Other moms ask me how does it feel to know that there will be no more peeing on plastic sticks waiting to see a positive or a negative, watching my body change, giving birth, buying cute baby items, the extra attention from being pregnant, losing sleep, baby snuggles etc? This is my 5th go round, I don’t have the feelings of I can’t wait to get pregnant again. I don’t enjoy pregnancy and I am not ashamed of it. Some women love being pregnant but for me, as soon as I find out, I count down the days to my due date and that is just keeping it real. This pregnancy I have been way more uncomfortable and achy than my last ones. I understand some women will never get to experience this, and I do feel bad for them; that is what makes me try to make the best of it and enjoy it through the good and the bad and the painful.
In conclusion to the joys and “sadness” of this being the last baby; there is no sadness here and nothing but pure joy. There is no depression that I will not ever get to experience this again (unless the elements feel otherwise and hubby’s vasectomy fails). I feel like this chapter in our lives is done. We both mutually agree. Time to move on and reach our other personal goals, and goals as a couple and family. I get it, having a big family is considered weird. It was weird to me too but now this is my life and it feels normal….Most importantly, it feels right and it feels complete.
Can’t wait to meet you Baby number 5, the last piece of the puzzle, the tie breaker, our last baby…