Last baby sadness?

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We are literally two weeks away from my due date but the reality has set in that our baby will likely be here any-day or sometime next week at the latest. I had a nice little episode of pre-term labor the week of Valentine’s day that earned me a two night stay in the hospital. Things stalled and I was able to go home per my wishes, even though the DR who was on call wanted to keep me there forever! I have had a few friends ask me do I feel sad that this is our last baby? I have heard a lot of other moms who feel guilty or sad that they did not have more kids. My circle of friends and associates consists of people who are almost 30 or over 30, so for most that ship has sailed. When we found out we were having baby number 5 (Then comes baby in the baby carriage…Lots of babies) we both immediately knew THIS IS DEFINITELY IT and the stork is no longer welcome around here! 

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At one point we thought our third baby was it; but then the topic of one more came up since hubby has always wanted four. We had Kali, life was great but it didn’t really feel complete. For me it was more so if we had another we did if we didn’t, it wouldn’t make me resent my uterus or my husband. Long and behold baby number 5 surprised the crap out of us and popped up. Kali was only a few months old. Despite me being on birth control, nursing, and only having had about 3 actual periods since I gave birth to her. We embraced it after the initial OMG we are about to have 5 F’n kids shock wore off. I had to really wrap my head around FIVE kids. I would always look at other people and think to myself “Damn! that’s a lot of kids, I couldn’t do it”. But, here I am days away from being that person with “a lot” of kids.

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The thought of going out in public with the 5 is becoming a reality. It’s not like going out with the 4 has always been a cake walk. It’s always “you have your hands full”, “bless your heart”, “are you done having kids?” etc. The thought of buying 5 of every damn thing, the non-stop increase of our grocery bill, the fact that I had to give up my beloved BMW for a full size SUV; and lastly, this baby is the gender tie breaker since we have two of each already confirms that yes, this is our last baby.

I have had friends say they hope we have just one more to make things even, but some still find the amount of kids that I have to be a little joke and the snide remarks follow behind that (think basketball team etc). Most of the time I consider that to be an act of jealously, that 1. they wanted more but couldn’t or didn’t have more 2. they are just an asshole 3. they wanted a big family but were too worried about what other people would think about it.

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Preparing hasn’t been depressing for me like it is for some moms who are on their last baby. I look forward to finally packing up and giving away all of the baby items, never to be seen again as he or she outgrows them. It may sound selfish, but I spent my 20s being pregnant and having babies. This is the last year of my 20s. I gave up that essential part of my youth in exchange for unconditional love, poopy diapers, boogers, formula, breast milk, spit up, blow outs, and watching someone I created blossom internally and externally.

Other moms ask me how does it feel to know that there will be no more peeing on plastic sticks waiting to see a positive or a negative, watching my body change, giving birth, buying cute baby items, the extra attention from being pregnant, losing sleep, baby snuggles etc? This is my 5th go round, I don’t have the feelings of I can’t wait to get pregnant again. I don’t enjoy pregnancy and I am not ashamed of it. Some women love being pregnant but for me, as soon as I find out, I count down the days to my due date and that is just keeping it real. This pregnancy I have been way more uncomfortable and achy than my last ones. I understand some women will never get to experience this, and I do feel bad for them; that is what makes me try to make the best of it and enjoy it through the good and the bad and the painful.

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In conclusion to the joys and “sadness” of this being the last baby; there is no sadness here and nothing but pure joy. There is no depression that I will not ever get to experience this again (unless the elements feel otherwise and hubby’s vasectomy fails). I feel like this chapter in our lives is done. We both mutually agree. Time to move on and reach our other personal goals, and goals as a couple and family. I get it, having a big family is considered weird. It was weird to me too but now this is my life and it feels normal….Most importantly, it feels right and it feels complete.

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Can’t wait to meet you Baby number 5, the last piece of the puzzle, the tie breaker, our last baby…

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31 thoughts on “Last baby sadness?

  1. lifeisajourney101blog says:

    I was so sad while having baby no 4 I cried through labour. Yes it was painful and the nurses didn’t understand why I was crying but my husband did and held my hand and kissed me a lot through the whole process. I even cried when my husband went off to get fixed. My logic is now though that with 4 children I should get a good amount of grand babies to spoil lol.

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  2. ajonsson31 says:

    I relate to this on so many levels: I too have spent my 20’s having babies. I’m 29 and 2 months postpartum from having our 4th. It is so weird being “that family” with the train of kids at the grocery store and yet…I can’t imagine my life without all my crazy, tiny humans. We’re in the same boat as you were after your fourth: trying to avoid pregnancy, but ok if it happens anyways. We’ll see! But congratulations on your last puzzle piece!

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  3. Sarah says:

    #3 is my last one. He just turned one. I baby him so much because he my last baby! But I’m done. I hated being pregnant. Not the growing a life part, but being fat, being uncomfortable, being moody, and I was pregnant when none of our friends were so I felt like they didn’t understand why I was fat and unhappy. But now I will get to cherish them growing up…

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  4. jentheodore says:

    Congrats on #5! I totally understand where you’re coming from. I have three kids that range in age from 1-13 and my last baby was my last. I knew I couldn’t do being pregnant again and my husband is 20 years older than I and it was generous that he agreed to the ones we do have (I’m 38, he’s 58). I got my tubes tied during my c-section and for a while, I mourned the loss of what could have been … but I realize at the same time, my family is complete and I’m so very grateful for what I do have. I carried and birthed three healthy, beautiful, amazing children. I am now looking forward to moving past the “baby” part of my life and just enjoying my children turn into little people! (I’m also now a labor and delivery nurse, so I get my share of baby snuggles during the week, lol!). May you have a safe, happy delivery and may the experience be everything you hope it will be!

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  5. Emily says:

    I had a baby when I was young 20 years old, I never had anymore and I am not 40 and I think that I am too old – but maybe not, still living in hope at having another x

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  6. Christine says:

    I had my first baby at 29 and I wanted a large family but my husband only wanted one kid. I had my second at 33 and I wanted a 3rd but it didn’t happen. I had the urge for another baby up until my youngest was three then I was like nope I’m good. Lol. We have friends with 8 kids two sets of twins and I don’t know how they do it but they say they wouldn’t have it any other way

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  7. ourhappyimperfection says:

    We have two girls who are about 28 months apart- a 3 year old and a 1 year old. I don’t think we are done, but I do think we will take a break for a minute. I love having them close in age but it is freaking hard- as I am sure you know! I’ve always envisioned 4, but we will see. I have PCOS which means fertility issues and then when I am pregnant I am miserable with HG (constant nausea and violent vomiting) the entire 42 weeks (my babies apparently like to take their time cooking!). However, part of me aches at the thought of doing anything to permanently prevent future pregnancies, even if we reach 4. Maybe 5 would be my tipping point 😛 I am glad I am only 28 so we have some time on our side.

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  8. lovelyluckylife says:

    Loved this post! I’m due any day with #3 who (likely) won’t be our last and I can see being excited to move past all the insanity of pregnancy/new baby-ness. Congratulations on your 5th!

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  9. onelazychic says:

    I really admire mommies like you who have so much courage. You are really a baddas. I only been blessed to have a child in my late 30s. Congratulation. You have been blessed so many times.

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  10. je55iemullin5 says:

    I’m one of those women who had trouble getting pregnant, and my first baby may very well be my last baby since we’re going to pursue foster care and adoption when our boy is older. Anyway, I can assure you that anyone struggling with infertility who is jealous of you (and they definitely are) won’t be mean about it. Those mean people are jerks, not jealous. But I feel you! I’m not sad either that I probably won’t be pregnant again. If people do feel that way…it probably means they should have more kids! Not project on people who do have “a lot” of kids.

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  11. Patty says:

    Don’t worry. When you change your last diaper you’ll be elated, or at least I was and I only had two! This was an interesting read. I never could see myself with more than the ones I have now. I can barely handle them some days. So from one mom to another, congrats on managing to be here for the last one and good luck with the labor and delivery!

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  12. Lindsey says:

    It’s a weird feeling for sure…the end of a chapter…I can’t make myself think about it for too long or I’ll get sad! So I just try to savor where we are now…two healthy children–I’ll take that! 🙂

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  13. itsahero says:

    I didn’t feel this way when I was pregnant with my last (and second), but I do feel that way now. She just turned one and I have the last-baby-blues. 😦

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  14. mamasewcrafty says:

    I have two but my husband had 4 before we were married and people were already making comments when I was having my first about how many kids we have. We love all 6 they love each other. I always wanted two but it’s sometimes sad to think there will never be another newborn phase and I actually do miss being pregnant sometimes!

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